Extreme Living in the Noughties

A trilogy of Life, Cricket and Everything Else as lived through the Noughties - A decade non-review.

So here's 'Life'

I don't know about you, but it was an overwhelmingly eventful decade for me. 10 years that started with a bust, then led to emergence of giant new economies, and finally culminated with bankruptcies of some of the finer institutions that we have built. Years that were symptomatic of the rise and fall of Dubai; a decade that saw WTC being obliterated, our cities viciously bombed and two countries being blitzed to hell; that began with the Ultimate Redneck in charge and ended with a suave and articulate black man leading the free world. It was that kind of a decade.

These were also years when my country matured a little more and learnt how to move on. India got a shiny new wallet, and bought and sold land and shares. It decided to adopt the Congress and an Italian lady, mingled with nuclear scientists and Oxford economists and got thrown state dinners by the afore-mentioned articulate gentleman. It learned how to live with short-skirts and homosexuals, and with its daughters working late or riding in cars with boys. We loosened up a little, and only wanted more ice in our drinks. That and some telly-time full of soaps, breaking news and Sehwag. All of course, when we were not talking on the 'mobile', or wondering what wonders this internet could possiby not behold.

It has been joyous and frustrating, efficient and heart-wrenching living the noughties. It's a complex bundle of contradictions thrown at you like a grenade. The world is a dangerous place these days - terror attacks, global flus, climate change and all that, and yet it is dynamic enough for a financial crisis that almost bought us to our knees, to blow over in 2 years or some. If there are covert terror networks and military strife in some parts, scores of first-generation billionaires are creating employment and cities like Shanghai are developing in others. You always seem to be a step away from both -the rainbow and doomsday.

This decade did not have answers to problems of AIDS, water management, Kashmir and Woody Allen. Instead it threw new problems in the form of melting ice, food crunch, chinese goods and Rakhee Sawant.

For what it's worth, I'd say the noughties were time well spent. Personally, these were good years. I grew up and feared not to dream as big as my country did. I earned my chances, and have managed to not make a total mess of them. As India looks out to the world, so do I - and both look forward to marking our place on the map. Watch this space.

Decade of the Gilded Bat

Cricket,

What can you say for the bowlers in these last ten years? That they ran in but were not good enough; or that the powers-that-be did not help? These ten years were so pWned by batsmen, that we are left exhausted by looking up to find the ball hurtling towards the boundary: smashed away by Sehwagaylegilchrist, stroked with precision by Sachinyousufkallis or fluked by the mediocre on an endless streaming-consciousness scale. This was just one of the many ways that cricket changed in this decade. Cricket got bigger, stronger, faster and more importantly - shorter; bats are gilded, even studded with rubies and get driven around games in swanky cars - which isn't such a bad thing.

It involved a lot of travel through dusty Indian towns, even for people from other parts of the world. From sombre Somerset, party people from Port-of-spain and the usual Punters from Tasmania - they all came to hang out at this game-changing new club called T20 and look cool. Cricket became more fun for more people, and they are packing in or beaming on in front of screens everywhere. The game has done well, regardless of the late T20 blitz. There was some sumptuous test cricket and cracking one-day cricket that was played in this decade. These will be remembered as times of Laxman's 281 and England's Ashes and of 434 being chased down at the Wanderers.

These were ten years that the sport appeared to be on power-boosters, and propped up by pain-killers. Batsmen were served on golden trays and were waited upon by liveried ball fetchers, and cheques dated for perpetuity were being signed by suits in Dubai and Mumbai. Everyone got rich, because you and I and our dhobis were watching this charade of sponsored maximum hits and edges flying over third man. Ravi Shastri became the grating Voice of Cricket, and advertising was all over any available audio-visual and psychological nook and cranny. Everything from Lalit Modi, the cheerleaders, Adam Stanford, the mid-wicket hoick and Arun Lal was designed to assault the senses. Cricket has been morally regressing since 1783, but this decade was something else.

Not all is hoick and scoop though. Test cricket appears to be healthy at first glance, if a little sallow in places. Australia continued their unpopular reign of the world game, but their cricket was admirable and is emulated in academies from Bangalore to Barbados. It was when sides like India, England and South Africa took on Aussie might, that stadiums were lit up. An innings or a spell took on a golden hue just by the merit of it having whooped Aussie ass. Pakistan did their bit when they could, Sri Lanka remained as mid-successful and unorthodox as ever and South Africa had their moments. Test cricket does resemble a doddering dodo on certain days though - in the sub-continent, the Caribbean and other tedious days involving New Zealand.

May I stick my bat out and say that this decade has seen the last of the Test greats? Or would it be too premature and inappropriate like this scathing Tendulkar piece I'd done in 2007, and which I take back with utter joy and a shoe up my keyboard. The game has to find ways that another Warne, Lara, Gilchrist, McGrath, Akram, Ambrose or Dravid will actually get to play even half as many tests as these Big Boys. Have you heard the one about India playing 1.27 tests in 2010? Yeah, it is not funny.

In the meanwhile, people continue to lap up the shorter game and more seems to be played every day. Only your Uncle and mine don't have an XI. But we would want Sachin, Gilchrist, Ponting, Dhoni, Flintoff, Sanga, Yuvraj, Warne, McGrath, Steyn, and Zaheer playing for ours. Dilshan can carry our drinks. But seriously, can there be any more one-day and T20 cricket? I suggest teams should be fined if they turn up at all match venues. Aren't you tired? We are.

Yet, Mr. Modi is running his own circus successfully, and the ICC should create windows in the schedule for him, or he will break the door down. I think the IPL is a master-stroke, and the Champions League T20 is a nice touch. It has created an ecosystem of successful people, and it is important that this success is cleverly used for results through the next decade in the form of sustaining a larger audience world-wide, and boards investing in their domestic structure and grassroots facilities.

The poor umpires are doing well not to appear as humanoids in white coats. They still manage to smile and shrug off UDRS and the nightmares of reviewable indecision-making, HotSpot, Snickometer, Hawkeye, large screen replays and evil TV presenters. Too bad they still have to count deliveries, call no-balls and become temporary stands for caps and snazzy sunglasses.

OK, 3-point plan for people running the game for the next decade:

1. Treat your spectator right

Give them a quality product and treat them well - at the stands and on his screen. Quality of Production and Quality of Service have been slogged over cow corner. Don't stuff a deluge of meaningless games, and fours and sixes down our throats. Do away with stoppages for mild rain and bad light, drinks break, wet gloves, tea, power failures, slow over-rates and changing the ball. Give the bowler something to work with, and Arun Lal something else to do with his time.

2. Biennial Two- and in time, maybe even Three-tiered World Championship Test League

Ok, this is important. Test cricket is unquestionnably the highest form, and its primacy has to be retained and even grown in imminence. It cannot continue to remain a cosy affair of sherry and cigars, but has to learn to embrace the bush and the bugle. A structured and intense test championship that screens the best from the only good, and gives promotion and relegation opportunities to all is what will give test cricket a sustainable throne. Test cricket is how cricket was meant to be played.

3. Take the game global

Yes, that is right or we will die of India-Australia slogfests, infighting between boards, associations and leagues, patronage, money-driven tyranny, South Africa hosting all tournaments and slow left-arm bowlers. Bring on Ireland, Scotland, China, Uganda, Afghanistan (yes, that is right - they have official ODI status), USA, Kenya, Netherlands and Tanzania. Take T20 to all cities and towns and television screens from Vladivostok to Beunos Aires. Dine with Olympic officials, and don't invite Mr. Modi. Only pick his brains later for ideas on putting up a show.

Spin

Everything Else..

everything's so dizzyingly quick these days; things happen at click speed. decisions made, photographs uploaded, appointments rescheduled, dresses bought, and tickets booked - hotels and everything. making me wait for over 10 minutes for anything, is wasting my time.

compare that to days not very long ago (what, 15 years? ok, 20?), when what you had were dusty paper trails in shops and offices that had endured the 80s. and for most of the time, you were waiting for the next. tick tock. and some more waiting, amid trips to studiowallah, trips to printer & stationery dude, waiting for the postman to arrive and other such mind-numbing pauses in human progress. long distance telephony was a joke, and local connectivity was no laughing matter. life was slower than a dim snail and you know that, when Mahabharat on TV was the biggest thing that happened after Ramayan on TV.

and yet today - only a blip of time later, the way these things go - a hundred things rush at you before you've even contemplated the morning cuppa: urgent texts, carpet-bombing breaking news, and mails from the world that wasn't sleeping. getting things done too, was never this easy -stock portfolio on the phone, and ordering pizza off the TV. one day today is packed with enough goings-on that would have taken up an entire week in the 80s. no, really.

past-event approximations are out of the district, never mind the ball-park. you know why?

there's spin on time these days. space has been rendered irrelevant. a million revolutions break out in each moment, and what you have is spin. the wheels haven't come off yet, but it sure does get wobbly.

whizz. there, that's 2009.