The VOCO Clock

The Voco alarm will lure a man away from his secret recesses with the sound of gentle birdsong, followed by a discreet cough. Then the comforting words "Good Morning, Sir" insinuate themselves into the room. This is followed by a message - a different one everyday (repeats after three months or so). They say things like

"A gentleman from Berkshire Hathaway is here to see you, Sir. He says he wants to offer you a position based in the Bahamas at a salary of Seventy Two million dollars a year, Sir." or

"The world is anxious to hear from you, Sir. May I inform the news agencies that you have arisen? Very good, Sir." or my favourite

"I'm so sorry to disturb you, Sir, but it appears to be morning. Very inconvenient, I agree. I believe it is the rotation of the earth that is to be blamed, Sir."

At the end of the message, a beep-beep continues till turned off which is then followed by messages like "Ghastly noise, I agree, Sir." or "Sir has a firm touch, but very fair."

The voice throughout is that of Stephen Fry, as every man's perfect valet. It is Gosford Park rather than Jeeves and Wooster. Sir requires gentle handling first thing in the morning. Sir can be difficult, when he wants to be, as we all know.